You know I must be a bit slow – yes I admit it, there are times where I think to myself surely there cannot be too many freaks left in the place that I have not come across. Yes I am slapping my face as I type this.
Take this prime example – I am still bamboozled about what planet he is on. I started talking to this guy and we were talking about how hard it is dating at the moment while we are currently in lockdown. I mentioned that this may be a great way of getting to know someone slowly rather than rushing into something head first. Perhaps it will give you a chance to think outside the box by doing a video chat/date sort of thing. You know you could have a glass of wine and he could have a bong in front of a computer and have a date. Or even throw in a dinner demonstration – I could microwave beans and he could cook a 5 course degustation platter – who knows its called looking for alternatives! Bring out your inner Nigella, at least you can see whether he is a good cook or whatever.
Well obviously this did not fit the thought pattern of his small brain. No he still wanted to go out and have a date. Like where the fuck are you supposed to go? We can’t go to the pubs – they are closed. Oh coffee shop – um yeah for a takeaway. Oh sorry police person – I know that you want to give me a fine for being out of the house but this is for essential duties only – you see I am on a date with this prime beefcake! Oh you mean we have to stand 1.5 metres away – oh isn’t that part of the exemption – I mean its this guy – he is exempt from obeying the rules. He won’t get COVID 19 – its a conspiracy theory which only affects people who hoard toilet paper and cake mixes. Am I suppose to get out my hazmat suit to go on this date – and what happens if he says you don’t look like your picture… well I don’t normally wear a bright yellow suit – it doesn’t go with my skin tone.
Is he currently living in a remote paradise that has not had any human contact for the past year or something? Or is he just so full of himself that he thinks that he is above the law. He is probably one of those fuckwits that still goes to the beach and doesn’t follow the social distancing rules. Thanks mate – you are a right fuckwit!