I am back – yes I took a sabbatical to the woes of writing about my sad existence of dating the undesirables and thought that I really needed to work on dimming the “F$ckwits apply here sign on my forehead”. Needless to say, no amount of bleach, burning of skin, or facial transplant worked. Instead – the gates of hell opened up and out spewed a army load of freaks encroaching into the minefield that is called Ms Belle’s love life.
I sometimes wish that these stories are actually not true and just some vivid imagination of some Goddess but alas, they are all true (just some slight changes to protect the identification of freaks who may not actually realise that they are one).
Anyway onto Freak Number 61 – this one I am going to call Return of the Mack Daddy Freak. So it was one fun filled day in Ms Belle’s life where the birds were singing, the computers were making that ‘click click tap tap’ noise and only a small amount of dribble was appearing on the side of my mouth. Yes, I was at work, watching the clock hands go backwards in time while the never ending drudgery of paperwork lurked in the background, tormenting Ms B with the taunts of “You ain’t going to have a life outside of these four walls as I am going to drown you in red tape!”.
Anyhoo, a glimmer of hope in a somewhat dark and dreary office came through like a shining pile of unicorn poop. A random text message appeared on my phone saying “Morning Gorgeous, hope you have a lovely day!” Well, I do declare! Who is this person that I am receiving messages of truth from? I looked up the phone number and did not recognise it, so what is a girl to do but play along. After all, it is Miss B! The convo goes a little something like this (sure that is a song):
B: Why thank you for stating the obvious, but I have no idea who is speaking of such truth
MD: Oh I am sorry, I think I have gotten the wrong number.
B: So you don’t think I am gorgeous then lol. Talk about bursting one’s bubble. Anyway have a lovely day
MD: Lol – you too beautiful
Now this is where is starts getting interesting….
B: Beautiful? I could be a hideous dwarf
MD: Are you? Me too
B: OMG I thought I was the only one in existence. We must meet, however I am afraid that I was a bit naughty and you may have to wait for a bit as I am currently in jail.
Did I mention I was at work and bored out of my head!
MD: What are you in for?
B: Smuggling mobile phones – its a lucrative business in here.
MD: Too funny.. you crack me up
Meh. I was really bored and thought hey I may have some fun with this guy
B: Don’t talk about cracks in here.. how else do you think I get the phones in
MD: You are funny… have a good day
B: What no Gorgeous? That’s it, I am going to drink the toilet wine that Bubba made last night and wallow in my self pity.
MD: Sorry Gorgeous
B: Too late, I’m in a foetal position with my goon bag. Ok that’s enough.. hope you found the right number
MD: I think she gave me the wrong number at the pub. Oh well, never mind – you sound more fun that she was.
And so it begins, the banter going back and forth. It was amusing and got me through the day and I was going to leave it as it was. So fast forward a couple of hours later and after a few more funny text messages, I actually thought I better ask for his name and life story. As he is telling me, I am thinking – he sounds familiar. More and more things are starting to fall into place and triggering my memories. Yes I know this guy.. I never met him but I have already spoken to him ages ago. There was something that did not sit well with me about him. That’s when the penny dropped. Yep, he was one of the Freaks who sent me messages previously and turned out to be a wannabe player with ex issues.
Talk about recycling…. Next!