Yes – I did have a giggle when I saw the number in my title – it proves how hilarious I am (or maybe childish). I should really take my act on the road, but meh, we are in lockdown at the moment so it is not going to happen. I know what a shame!, what a travesty!, how can you cope with your life? And yes, I know that that sentence is not grammatically correct – meh!
So what is so great about Freak Number 69 (again, the smirk is there!). Well I met this guy on Tinder – need I say any more? We started out great – just the normal chats about getting to know each other. I was even out doing myself with witty comments, taking the piss about how old he is – you know just general banter (even some were serious). Even when the dreaded question that came up – you know the one where you roll your eyes and think ‘is this the best that you can do?’ – you know the one – the “Tell me about yourself” question. Nothing screams what the actual fuck do I say here that does not make me sound like a raving lunatic or that you are sitting in a job interview. Do I send my resume in? Do I tell him that I like to paint PVA glue on my hands and peel it off like Hannibal Lector? Or the even better question – “What do you like to do for fun?” Is this where I hand over the link to my blog and say “read this”? Or just say “I like to attract freaks who seem to be the drop kicks in life” – yes that is sooooo much fun.
Yes I get it – he is trying to get to know me but how about just talking organically – you know – ‘how is your weekend and what did you get up to’ sort of deal, rather than getting sunburn from the lamp in your face interrogation. Well at least let me put on sunblock to stop my face turning red from the heat lamp. And yes it is better than the grunts or the one word responses that some guys provide.
Anyhoo – back to my story – so here I am relaying my witty remarks about life in general and taking the piss out of him with some of his replies. He even stated “Shit you are a funny girl” – I know – I am hilarious – its a given! So the question came up – “Where do you live?”, now my normal response is “in a tower, with no doors and the only way that you can enter is to climb my long ponytail after yelling out Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair as it saves replacing the batteries for the door bell.” But then followed by the actual suburb. Either I get a face palm emoji or a giggle out of it.
Now I live in an area that is well known for residents that are predominately either a druggie, single mother or a dole bludger – however the section that I live in is in more upmarket area – yes I don’t have broken down car bodies in the front lawn nor broken beer bottles on the footpath. Everyone who resides in this city – knows the Stigma when you say this name and the piss take begins. I even think it is in the Top 10 Shittiest Towns of Australia.
So when I asked the same question to him – he responded with a town that has the same stigma as mine – but is one of the Top 5 shittiest towns. So I called him the name that goes with that town thinking obviously he would know given that our conversations were full of banter. Well someone got butthurt and cracked the shits – so instead of volleying back the insults – he decided that he will take his mullet hairstyle, beer advertisement singlet, stubbie shorts and throw a tantrum. Yes and then deleted me. Like um what the hell…..precious much.
NEXT!
No I don’t have a headache, although afterwards I feel like I do. No – its the constant banging of head against the wall after trying to engage in a conversation with people. I mean how freaking hard is it to get more than one syllable responses or the topic automatically goes to being sexual. I think I have a better response from the toaster than talking to some of these guys.